What fills my heart?

Nerves..

Like a troop of horses charging through my veins

their hooves beating rhythmically against my heart

during those moments I before I start

speaking

in front of others

it’s full steam ahead and yet

I manage to rationalise and put myself in check

and when the horses retreat

I wave goodbye..

pleased that I managed to speak my mind.

The heart can speak too

when it’s filled with nostalgia

so much so that you’re able to smile and hug the one who caused you all that pain

it’s insane

I still wonder

How was I able to ride that train into his arms

when really

my mind wanted to take up arms

but my heart put that thought to rest

Helped me to pass the test

and in that moment

through nostalgia

my body and mind were taken over.

But that pain though

that.pain.though..

It’s hard to let go of pain

that is wrapped up in injustice

just this thought could trigger the floodgates to open

but thankfully for now

they’re closed

Because eventually..

through patience and gratitude

Most of that pain

turns into love

Like a prelude for what’s to come

a stronger love for the One.

Hold Allah’s book and reciting

opens up the heart and let’s light in

Clearing out what is within

Forgetting the pain that hides in

those hard to reach places

camouflaged behind locked chambers

But you know one day the light will reach it

and netralise

and therein we realise

that acceptance is key.

And when reciting comes to an end

the light makes your whole body feel light

like you’re in mid-flight

soaring above the clouds

with an inner smile that you can almost see

and wherever you land

it’s a smooth journey

ready to face whatever comes your way

with serenity

And I know we’ll always be tested

that can’t be protested

but a serene heart can make room for hope

hope to be forgiven

hope to love again

hope for efforts to be..

accepted.